I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
