I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
