At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
