I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
