It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
