My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
