My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
