Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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