I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Do vagina's smell?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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