I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize