What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
