Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
