Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
