Don't make out with my wife yet
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
