Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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