someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
