Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
