So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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