Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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