Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
