maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
