i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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