a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
