Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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