I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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