Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
