Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
