How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
