Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
