Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
