this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize