At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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