I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
