I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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