It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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