VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
