Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
