Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
