yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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