I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
