I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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