Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
