I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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