im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize