just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i think i have herpe
just one?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize