last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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