so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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