she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
