Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
