I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
