mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
