In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize