I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
