Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
