Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
