I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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