Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize