I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
