she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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