i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize