Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
