I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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