it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
