i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
false alarm. still invincible.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
