I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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