He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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