i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
