I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
