Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Randomize
