Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
