UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
