kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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