So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
