Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
