Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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