I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I deserve this hangover.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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