I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
